*The Grandest Story of Epicosity*

I thought I'd have a little change of pace for this entry, hope you enjoy!

Hearken to my words! And prepare yourselves for an epic tale. A tale of virtue, resolve, soaring triumph, and -like all stories that go on long enough- crushing defeat.

Our tale beings in the dense, oppressive, muggy heat of my bathroom this morning. There I am, in the shower, innocently performing my morning ablutions, when i spy it! A small spider upon my shower curtain crawls. Intrigued, I watch this spider -this tiny creature- assured of its inevitable defeat for the folly of venturing into the watery grave of so many similar creatures.

But no! This is no ordinary spider, my friends. This little fellow is a paragon among spider kind. Rather than shy from the downpour, he valiantly attempts to cross the treacherous spray. Time and again rebuffed back to the relative safety of a fold in the curtain. But does he give up, does it resign himself to this sheltered cocoon? No! He struggles on, determined to complete his journey toward the source of his frustration.

Admiration fills me. It is hard to look on such courageous struggle without being moved. But the more I watch and think, the more I feel my admiration slowly becoming horror. I imagine legions of tiny spiders free from their debilitating fear of running water. To what heights might such a master race of arachnid ascend?!

It must not be! I'm sorry, but this must not be! I cannot let you father a thousand thousand superior spiders, little warrior. It is my duty to all of humanity that I send you to your watery grave -as a message to all spider kind that you will be, nay, that you must be washed out!

I fill my mouth with water and unleash a jettison above this brave creature. He slips. Falls. And to my astonishment floats. He dangles upon his silken cord, mocking my attempts to drown him. I'll not have it. Again, I unleash a torrent of water upon him, but to the same results! He mocks me as he clings desperately to that curtain, that vinyl wall. He resumes his climb.

Now my ire is the thing of legends. I will not be mocked in my own shower! Third time pays all, as the saying goes. This time, my rain of streaming water hits him squarely and he plummets to the slick acrylic below. Give him credit though, our intrepid friend puts all eight legs to good use! It takes three (yes, three!) waves of water created with my foot to wash him, scrabbling and fighting for every inch, down the drain, but in the end, down he goes -like so many before him.

Thinking this is the end, I return to my showering, but not a minute later, what do I see? This most amazing of insect-devouring fiends emerges, seemingly unscathed, from the drain. He has climbed up the waterspout! With the water still running!!

I'm awed. I'm humbled. I'm terrified. Clearly my assessment of his prowess and his danger to mankind was frighteningly accurate. And yet, I'm impressed. What does one do when faced with such stalwart spirit, knowing that his continued existence could one day cost you your life?

And so, with a heavy heart, and a heavy foot, I crushed him beneath my heel. I said a prayer for his soul, and thanked the Heavens that I was there to quite literally stamp out this threat to the human experiment, as he was washed down the drain. The drain from whence his mangled, itsy-bitsy corpse will most certainly not climb up again.

The RM Factor

I give any readers fair warning that what I write in this post may be blunt, and/or biased. I apologize for bias because I am a Returned Missionary and have very strong views about this topic, but there is no reason to apologize for being blunt. 

   So, attending school at BYU has been an absolute blessing for me. The people, atmosphere, and education are amazing, despite how difficult some of the classes may be. However, there is one social stigma that really just bakes my cookies, and that is the ever present "RM Problem". You know which one I am talking about, where any and every RM is looking to get married 2 weeks after their first date. And this is just the root of which many other related concerns stem from.

   Too often I hear conversations where girls get all sketched out by an RM asking them out on a date, and the same phrase is always present, "I'm not ready to get married.."  This absolutely kills me. I have been victim to this kind of thinking many times. I mean, where is the logic?! Last time I checked, everyone has agency. Sure, dating is the precursor to marriage.. marriage can't happen without it. Dating is to find people we are compatible with and enjoy being around. If nothing clicks, it's ok, life goes on.

   I understand that everyone has their own taste and choices, but going into a date with an RM-whether man or woman- having a preconceived notion that all that person wants is to marry something warm, kills the date and everybody loses. This type of thinking, I've found, is a source of doubt with some premies. It adds to the discouragement in an already difficult battle. Having served a mission should never have a negative impact on dating. it should be an added bonus. Sure, there are people out there that are actually looking to get married much faster than others. But it has nothing to do with them having served a mission... more age and maturity.
 
   Along with that, I hear complaints of RM's constantly talking about their missions. It shames them from talking about some of the most spiritual two years of that persons life. The experiences from such can never be replaced or duplicated. Those two years a missionary serves are filled with extreme emotional roller-coasters and life lessons. Why wouldn't someone want to share? (regrettably I had fallen into this mode of thinking and kept to myself about my mission). Now, I will admit that on a few occasions RM's place themselves on the wrong side of pride and hold a mission over peoples heads. But, I don't necessarily blame them, seeing as we are all products of our environment, and in Mormon culture, missions are a milestone in members lives.

   There are many other Returned Missionary related stigmas that build up and essentially make having served a mission seem like a bad thing. This is ridiculous and needs to stop. There is a rather large rift in thinking among BYU students -and Utahns in general- when it comes to something as simple as dating. There are those that avoid RMs for purposes I previously mentioned, as well as thinking they are "too righteous" (is that even possible??) And those only searching out RMs. The extremes are becoming more prevalent, and both have cons. (one with seemingly fewer cons than the other)

   I recognize I am quite possibly flawed in some of my thinking, and slightly biased. But I am just calling it as I see it. I welcome corrections and insights from others if they seem inclined to do so. All I know, is that RMs are good people (usually) and having served a mission should in no way be held against them by fellow members.