The RM Factor

I give any readers fair warning that what I write in this post may be blunt, and/or biased. I apologize for bias because I am a Returned Missionary and have very strong views about this topic, but there is no reason to apologize for being blunt. 

   So, attending school at BYU has been an absolute blessing for me. The people, atmosphere, and education are amazing, despite how difficult some of the classes may be. However, there is one social stigma that really just bakes my cookies, and that is the ever present "RM Problem". You know which one I am talking about, where any and every RM is looking to get married 2 weeks after their first date. And this is just the root of which many other related concerns stem from.

   Too often I hear conversations where girls get all sketched out by an RM asking them out on a date, and the same phrase is always present, "I'm not ready to get married.."  This absolutely kills me. I have been victim to this kind of thinking many times. I mean, where is the logic?! Last time I checked, everyone has agency. Sure, dating is the precursor to marriage.. marriage can't happen without it. Dating is to find people we are compatible with and enjoy being around. If nothing clicks, it's ok, life goes on.

   I understand that everyone has their own taste and choices, but going into a date with an RM-whether man or woman- having a preconceived notion that all that person wants is to marry something warm, kills the date and everybody loses. This type of thinking, I've found, is a source of doubt with some premies. It adds to the discouragement in an already difficult battle. Having served a mission should never have a negative impact on dating. it should be an added bonus. Sure, there are people out there that are actually looking to get married much faster than others. But it has nothing to do with them having served a mission... more age and maturity.
 
   Along with that, I hear complaints of RM's constantly talking about their missions. It shames them from talking about some of the most spiritual two years of that persons life. The experiences from such can never be replaced or duplicated. Those two years a missionary serves are filled with extreme emotional roller-coasters and life lessons. Why wouldn't someone want to share? (regrettably I had fallen into this mode of thinking and kept to myself about my mission). Now, I will admit that on a few occasions RM's place themselves on the wrong side of pride and hold a mission over peoples heads. But, I don't necessarily blame them, seeing as we are all products of our environment, and in Mormon culture, missions are a milestone in members lives.

   There are many other Returned Missionary related stigmas that build up and essentially make having served a mission seem like a bad thing. This is ridiculous and needs to stop. There is a rather large rift in thinking among BYU students -and Utahns in general- when it comes to something as simple as dating. There are those that avoid RMs for purposes I previously mentioned, as well as thinking they are "too righteous" (is that even possible??) And those only searching out RMs. The extremes are becoming more prevalent, and both have cons. (one with seemingly fewer cons than the other)

   I recognize I am quite possibly flawed in some of my thinking, and slightly biased. But I am just calling it as I see it. I welcome corrections and insights from others if they seem inclined to do so. All I know, is that RMs are good people (usually) and having served a mission should in no way be held against them by fellow members.